diff --git a/apps/auth/src/auth.app.ts b/apps/auth/src/auth.app.ts
index f7b4efb..2043410 100644
--- a/apps/auth/src/auth.app.ts
+++ b/apps/auth/src/auth.app.ts
@@ -29,6 +29,7 @@ import {
 	CachedLogin,
 	ChangePasswordRequest,
 	ChangePasswordResponse,
+	FakeCachedLogin,
 	form,
 	json,
 	OAuthError,
@@ -57,6 +58,19 @@ import type { PlatformLink } from './platform-db'
 const TOKEN_SCOPE =
 	'offline_access profile rn rn.accounts rn.accounts.gc rn.api rn.chat rn.clubs rn.commerce rn.match.read rn.match.write rn.notify rn.rooms rn.storage'
 
+/**
+ * The canned entry served for the one Oculus cached-login lookup below — the sideloaded
+ * APK's way onto the password login screen. Not backed by a link, an account or a
+ * platform proof, hence `requirePassword: true`.
+ */
+const FAKE_OCULUS_CACHED_LOGIN = {
+	platform: PlatformType.Oculus,
+	platformId: '1',
+	accountId: 1,
+	lastLoginTime: '2026-07-19T17:13:29.225Z',
+	requirePassword: true,
+} as const
+
 /**
  * Signup caps, enforced on create_account only (never on login — an existing account
  * always stays reachable, however many accounts its owner has since accumulated).
@@ -361,6 +375,10 @@ const app = new Hono<App>()
 				'`cached_login` grant (both read the same table). An account linked to several',
 				'platforms appears in each of their pickers. An unknown id yields `[]` (not a 404)',
 				'and the client falls back to a fresh login or create_account.',
+				'EXCEPT the exact identity `1/1` (Oculus, id `1`), which is stubbed for SIDELOADED',
+				'APKs: with no Meta SDK they have no real identity to ask about and stall on an',
+				'empty picker. It consults nothing and returns one canned, non-redeemable entry',
+				'with `requirePassword: true`, sending the build to username/password login.',
 			].join(' '),
 			parameters: [
 				{
@@ -379,13 +397,30 @@ const app = new Hono<App>()
 				},
 			],
 			responses: {
-				200: json(CachedLogin.array(), 'Matching accounts; `[]` if none'),
+				200: json(
+					CachedLogin.or(FakeCachedLogin).array(),
+					'Matching accounts; `[]` if none. The canned entry for `1/1`.'
+				),
 			},
 		}),
 		async (c) => {
 			const { platform, id } = c.req.param()
 			logger.info('cached login lookup', { platform, id })
 			const platformInt = Number.parseInt(platform, 10)
+			// SIDELOADED APKs ONLY. A sideloaded build has no Meta SDK behind it, so it can't
+			// produce a real Meta identity or a nonce to prove one with — it asks about the
+			// placeholder identity `1/1`, and an empty picker leaves it stuck on the platform
+			// login screen with nothing to do. Hand back one canned entry to push it onto the
+			// username/password login instead, which is the only flow such a build can finish.
+			// `requirePassword` is true for exactly that reason: there's no platform proof here,
+			// and the `cached_login` grant would (correctly) refuse this entry.
+			//
+			// Scoped to that ONE identity rather than to all of platform 1 — store builds do
+			// real Meta logins, and shadowing the whole platform would hide genuine links from
+			// their pickers.
+			if (platformInt === PlatformType.Oculus && id === '1') {
+				return c.json([FAKE_OCULUS_CACHED_LOGIN])
+			}
 			// Listed straight from the link table, which is also what the `cached_login`
 			// grant authorizes against — so the picker can't offer an account the grant
 			// then refuses.
diff --git a/apps/auth/src/openapi.ts b/apps/auth/src/openapi.ts
index 79436de..316fdf0 100644
--- a/apps/auth/src/openapi.ts
+++ b/apps/auth/src/openapi.ts
@@ -103,6 +103,15 @@ export const CachedLogin = z.object({
 		.describe('Always false — platform ownership is the credential for a cached login'),
 })
 
+/**
+ * The stubbed Oculus cached login served to sideloaded APKs. Same shape as `CachedLogin`,
+ * but `requirePassword` is true — with no Meta SDK there is nothing to prove platform
+ * ownership with, so the client falls through to username/password.
+ */
+export const FakeCachedLogin = CachedLogin.extend({
+	requirePassword: z.literal(true).describe('Always true — the entry is not platform-backed'),
+})
+
 /** OAuth-shaped error body. Always HTTP 400 except `server_error` (500). */
 export const OAuthError = z.object({
 	error: z.enum(['invalid_grant', 'invalid_request', 'server_error']),
diff --git a/apps/auth/src/test/integration/api.test.ts b/apps/auth/src/test/integration/api.test.ts
index a6e5658..27db45a 100644
--- a/apps/auth/src/test/integration/api.test.ts
+++ b/apps/auth/src/test/integration/api.test.ts
@@ -198,6 +198,23 @@ describe('auth worker routes', () => {
 		}
 	)
 
+	// The one stubbed identity: `1/1` consults nothing and always answers the canned
+	// entry, which is how a sideloaded APK (no Meta SDK, so no real identity) gets off
+	// the platform login screen and onto username/password.
+	test('GET /cachedlogin/forplatformid/1/1 returns the canned Oculus entry', async () => {
+		const res = await exports.default.fetch(`${ORIGIN}/cachedlogin/forplatformid/1/1`)
+		expect(res.status).toBe(200)
+		expect(await res.json()).toEqual([
+			{
+				platform: 1,
+				platformId: '1',
+				accountId: 1,
+				lastLoginTime: '2026-07-19T17:13:29.225Z',
+				requirePassword: true,
+			},
+		])
+	})
+
 	// Only Steam (0) and Meta (1) can be verified — Steam by its signed platform_auth
 	// ticket, Meta by validating its nonce with Meta. Every OTHER platform is rejected
 	// on the platform-authenticated grants: we won't bind or authorize an identity we